I've not had hardly any time at all to post, I just barely had to get a new phone because I dropped my old 5c on my friend's toe and it dropped and the screen literally faded to dark purple. What the heck? This past week was the last week of school before a whole 2 weeks of break! (I just adore Christmas and New Year's break!!)
Anyway, in this post, I'm going to share my thoughts and feelings on how I've changed over the past couple of months, and how my change has been a good effect on me and my surroundings.
My mental health has improved quite a bit. Even though it may seem so sparkly and like I'm so joyful all the time, I'm not. I'm a real person with real feelings that I don't always brush off. What I've learned over the past couple of months is that my body is often in a war with itself. For now, I'm finding some unity within.
Most days, my body image is alright. Some days though, I feel lonely and miserable, withdrawn and isolated. With these real feelings, I mask them into a false feeling I like to call 'fat'. I feel fat on those days. Here's something I've learned: you cannot simply feel fat, you must be calling yourself fat because of unwanted feelings you don't feel like coping or coming to terms with. This isn't for everybody, but I hear this a lot.
I also have anxiety. Anxiety is merciless. My anxiety is not me, but I like to hide behind the shadow it creates. I usually fret over small flaws and details in my everyday life, whether it be me consuming food with a lower nutritional value than I'd like, or not moving around enough.
Butterflies eat away at my gut. My eyes aren't my eyes anymore- they're some dark, shadow's eyes that have no depth with specks of panic. My hair becomes brittle and thin, and my hands turn eggplant purple; My hands become cold. There's also a constant ring inside my head- I'm not crazy, but guilt likes to bottle up inside my gut and come up to my head to explode. I think the guilt likes to trick me into thinking that I'm worth less than how much I really am.
When I feel like this, I am quick to recognize that I've sank to the bottom of a murky pool with sharp edges and weeds swimming around. Today I swam and pulled myself up to the surface of the pool; I am okay.
The past few months have been mostly lived in peace. I like the word peace, it reminds me of a beautiful river streaming freely; I'd like to live in that river forever. The plan for the next couple of months is to renew peace within my body for good. Maybe my body and I can be friends. Think of your body as a house: you wouldn't try to burn it down, so why would you try to damage your body in order to even make it look like something unrealistic?
For today, my body is at peace. It might not be tomorrow or the next day, but for today, that's enough.
On the other (less emotional) hand, VBK had reached over 1300 page views! What a pleasant surprise! Thanks to everyone who has read my blog. I'm blushing right now <3
Today I'm sharing with you guys a new favorite banana "ice-cream" recipe! You all know the drill- freeze some spotty-dotty bananas and whip 'em up to create an ice cream like texture.
The right blend of citrus and matcha green-tea flavor along with berries really gives a pop-tart taste and smells just like Christmas should. Tip*: if you freeze the bananas and let them thaw for 10-15 minutes, then you'll make the blending process easier on your blender or food processor.
HEALTHY CHRISTMAS CHEERY ICE'CREAM:
*2 frozen, spotty dotty ripe bananas, sliced
*1/3 C of any plant-based milk(s) (for this I used half coconut and half almond)
*1 tsp. each of matcha green-tea powder, pure vanilla extract, orange zest, and honey
*1/2 C of frozen mixed berries
*1/3 of a frozen acai berry packet
*2 ice cubes
*sprinkle of excitement for Christmas (coconut sugar)
DIRECTIONS:
1. Start whipping up your bananas with the plant-based milk(s), frozen berries and acai packet, and ice cubes. After, you should stir the stuff
2. Add in the rest of the ingredients and whip up some more. When you're finished whipping and stirring, then scoop the yumminess into a colorful Christmas bowl and let sit in the freezer for approx. 30 min. to an hour to harden and thicken up for the perfect ice-cream/frozen sorbet like texture.
3. Sprinkle some coconut sugar on and enjoy by the fireplace! Actually, please don't. The whole thing will melt profusely. Stay cozy though!
***NOTE: Please take into account that I am posting something said very personal. If you are in any way triggered by this, then please notify me. I'm trying to, as I said, find some peace within and this is my journal. Xxx, Alli <3***
