I usually have an answer for everything. For example…..
Why do you feel sad/unhappy today?
~I'm anxious, and I need to remind myself that my size or looks don't define me. Sometimes, I have unhappy days where all I think about is myself, but I'm trying not to think about myself so much.
Why are you angry at other people? What did they do to you?
~I think I'm angry at everyone right now because I'm mostly angry at myself. I feel like all of my faults have been turned onto other people and now it's their fault that I'm mad, but it's really not.
But when asked how I feel about everything in this moment, I don't know.
It's okay that I don't know. I don't have to feel every minute and every answer to my hypothetical questions. I'm not even sure I know what I'm typing.
I know that I feel happy, but then afraid at the same time. I'm afraid of looking back and never moving forward. The past is apart of me. But I am not my past; I am my future. Many months ago I was my past, but that was my future. My future now is ahead of me, somewhere where I'll be wiser and more lively instead of just someone with a past that she'll never let go of.
And so for now, I don't know. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel relieved or frightened; Maybe both. What I've learned over the past few months is that it's okay to no know for sure. Nobody has the exact answers to everything and who really could? Even if I did have an answer now, I bet you all that it would change in my dysmorphed, colorful world of confusion and amazement. You don't have to feel or know in the exact moment to be wise.
It's 60 degrees and the end of December. I've finally accepted that we are not having a white Christmas here in Salt Lake. Oh well, maybe there will be a white Christmas actually. I'm not too positive on that one though.
Christmas drinks at Starbucks are always so yummy and super festive! They're too overrated for me though. I wanted something eggnogy, fresh, minty, creamy, warm and milky- so I created the perfect Cookie Latte one night a few nights ago whilst sleep-drinking. (I was super tired and practically sleeping)
The crazy amounts of sugar and odd processed crap the legendary Starbucks drinks has to offer just…. didn't appeal to me. Apparently there's no real pumpkin in their pumpkin spice lattes. How shameful and appalling, really!
My wintery concoction turned out fab I'd say! IT'S ALSO SUPER EASY TO MAKE! It's perfect with the slight buttery taste the pb gives and the vanilla makes a warm drink. At the end, with the dark chocolate 88% chunks, they melt and are irresistibly sweet and yummy in your mouth!! Ahhh….
COOKIE CHOCOLATE WHITE CHRISTMAS LATTE:
*1/2 C of almond milk + 1/4 C of canned full-fat coconut milk (I like to use Trader Joe's or Thai Kitchen)
*1 tsp. of honey, pure bourbon vanilla extract, and coconut sugar each
*1.5 tsp. of creamy natural peanut butter
*1 small square of at least 88% dark chocolate, chopped into tiny pieces.
I don't recommend using cacao nibs because they don't melt the way that super dark chocolate does
DIRECTIONS:
***The best way is to make on the stovetop, I posted the way to do it in the microwave on instagram, but since then, I think that the stovetop way works better to break up peanut butter chunks and to melt everything in***
1. In a small sauce pan, stir the almond and coconut milk and coconut sugar together on medium-high heat for 3-5 minutes until nice and frothy.
2. add in the honey, vanilla, and melt your peanut butter in the microwave so you can stir it better. Stir until well combined- 3-4 minutes.
3. pour into a white Christmas mug and stir in the dark chocolate chunks! Enjoy!!
Xxx, Alli
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